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Lost days, pictures fade.
Sometimes goodbye is the second chance, so I lied.
Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sigh, my love-life has been so screwed these days. First I get my heart broken when the guy I liked previously practically kicked me out of his life when he had a girlfriend, and my feelings are pretty much mashed up, and now I stupidly told my friend I didn't like a guy cause she liked him too. How ironic. Wanna hear the story? (I'm talking to myself anyway, so why not)

This friend of mine I like got his heart broken when he was (sort of) two-timed by his girlfriend. Apparently, she was his first and it pretty much broke him. So he kinda sworn not to fall in love for the mean time while his heart heals. But somehow or another, I had already began to fall for him before he was together with her. Damn that sucks doesn't it? And then I see something. Something that sparked within my best friend. Love. And what do you know! It's him she's in love with! Oh good God.

What could I do? She's always been weak. I know if she sees us together steady or what not, she'll surely be hurt, even if she says she wouldn't. So I let her. So I lied. I thought it would solve everything. But it didn't solve me. My love for him didn't fade. Whenever I see them together, my emotional bar drops dangerously low. My jealousy's ugly head pops out, and I'll just lag behind and hide everything, hoping no one sees the pain in my eyes. It's really tough. I had sworn to give up on love, but it's hard when it's happening right in front of my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to take the impact when they go steady(which I already anticipated). From my broken feelings and my love from him, I might just separate myself from them. It's really hard, she's my best friend. Like, ugh. I don't know. And I don't know what I can benefit by writing this anyway. Though it makes me feel slightly better that I can spill it all out. I really need advice. But I don't know who to turn to. If I tell my friends, I'm scared they'll get worried. They too, need to focus on their studies, I can't risk distracting them.

I guess I better end this or it'd turn into an essay. *shakes head* I have so much in mind, this only seems to be only one millionth of everything.